the twelve signs, according to peter

For entertainment only. We are a juice bar, not your therapist, and the stars do not run your life, your nervous system does. Put in your birthday to find your sign, or scroll through all twelve and decide which one your ex really was. Peter can do your personal chart as low as $399. Reach out

♈ Aries

March 21 – April 19.

Temperament: Aries wakes up already annoyed at whoever is slower than them, which is everyone. An Aries has two speeds: full throttle and asleep.

Athletics: Aries is the person who sprints the first mile of a marathon and then tells you marathons are stupid. Aries is built for anything with a scoreboard and a short attention span.

Strengths: Aries starts things nobody else has the nerve to start. Brave, direct, and first through the door, even when it is the wrong door.

Weaknesses: Aries finishes about a third of what it starts. Patience is something an Aries has only heard about from other people.

Character defenses: When cornered, Aries attacks first and asks questions never. Anger is how an Aries says it is scared without saying it.

Social skills: Aries walks into a party and becomes the party, for about forty minutes. Then the Aries leaves without saying goodbye.

Cravings: Aries wants heat, speed, and caffeine: a head on fire, a round of hot shots, and a rude awakening for the road. An Aries will inhale a Downtown Burrito standing up.

Sex life: Aries in bed is enthusiastic, fast, and very proud of itself. Foreplay is a rumor an Aries is willing to investigate.

Friendships: Aries is the friend who shows up at 2 a.m. to help you move, then picks a fight with your landlord. An Aries friend is loyal as hell and exhausting as hell.

Communicator: Aries says the thing everyone was thinking and then wonders why the room went quiet. An Aries texts in all caps and means it.

Runner or chaser: Aries is a chaser, full stop. The second you stop running, the Aries gets bored and looks for the next hill.

Day-to-day advice: Aries, count to ten before you hit send. Then drink a celery juice and send half of it.

♉ Taurus

April 20 – May 20.

Temperament: Taurus is calm, steady, and immovable, like a very comfortable couch that holds grudges. Do not rush a Taurus, the Taurus will simply sit down.

Athletics: Taurus likes sports where you lift something heavy and then rest for four minutes. A Taurus will out-endure you out of pure stubbornness.

Strengths: Taurus is reliable, patient, and loyal to the point of absurdity. If a Taurus says it will be there, it is already there.

Weaknesses: Taurus confuses comfort with happiness and routine with personality. Changing a Taurus mind requires heavy machinery.

Character defenses: Taurus goes silent and digs in. The Taurus no is not an argument, it is a geographic feature.

Social skills: Taurus would rather host four people with great food than meet forty new ones. A Taurus remembers how you take your coffee.

Cravings: Taurus is ruled by the mouth: tiramisu, banana cream puddin', and a vanilla warfare to wash it down. A Taurus orders the sofrito burrito every single time and is right every single time.

Sex life: Taurus is slow, sensual, and in no hurry whatsoever. A Taurus wants good sheets, good snacks, and zero schedule.

Friendships: Taurus keeps the same friends from kindergarten and judges your new ones. Once you are in with a Taurus, you are in for life.

Communicator: Taurus says very little and means all of it. A Taurus will repeat the same point, slower, until you agree.

Runner or chaser: Taurus does neither, the Taurus waits. A Taurus plants itself, and eventually you come back for the cooking.

Day-to-day advice: Taurus, try one new thing this week, even if it is just a different drink. Start with an enlighten-mint.

♊ Gemini

May 21 – June 20.

Temperament: Gemini has two moods and both of them are talking. A Gemini can argue both sides of anything and enjoy it.

Athletics: Gemini loves variety and hates doing the same workout twice. A Gemini will try twelve classes and finish three.

Strengths: Gemini is curious, quick, and funny under pressure. Put a Gemini in a room of strangers and it walks out with ten phone numbers.

Weaknesses: Gemini gets bored faster than anyone alive. Commitment, to a Gemini, is choosing an outfit.

Character defenses: Gemini jokes its way out of every feeling. When it gets real, a Gemini changes the subject, twice.

Social skills: Gemini is the best person at the party and the only one having three conversations at once. Everybody knows a Gemini, and nobody is sure they know a Gemini.

Cravings: Gemini cannot pick, so the Gemini gets the açaí bowl and the chocolate phase bowl and eats half of each. To drink, a Gemini alternates sips of a harvey wallbanger and a cold brew latte.

Sex life: Gemini needs conversation before, during, and after. Variety is not a preference for a Gemini, it is a requirement.

Friendships: Gemini has a friend for every mood and a group chat for every friend. A Gemini will forget your birthday and then throw you the best party of your life.

Communicator: Gemini is a world-class talker and a part-time listener. A Gemini sends seven texts in a row and then disappears for three days.

Runner or chaser: Gemini chases until it catches you, then runs. Mostly a Gemini is just curious what happens next.

Day-to-day advice: Gemini, finish one thing before you start the next. Put the phone down, drink an 18 greens juice, and sit with one thought for a full minute.

♋ Cancer

June 21 – July 22.

Temperament: Cancer feels everything, all at once, at full volume, while pretending to be fine. A Cancer has a hard shell and a center made of soup.

Athletics: Cancer likes swimming, long walks with a friend, and anything that ends with a snack. A Cancer will cheer for you harder than it competes.

Strengths: Cancer is loyal, protective, and remembers everything you ever told it. Nobody takes care of people like a Cancer.

Weaknesses: Cancer takes things personally, including the weather. A Cancer holds onto a hurt the way other people hold onto receipts.

Character defenses: Cancer retreats into the shell and waits for an apology you did not know you owed. Passive-aggressive cooking is a Cancer love language and a Cancer weapon.

Social skills: Cancer is warm with family and shy with strangers. Let a Cancer host and you will never leave hungry.

Cravings: Cancer wants comfort in a bowl: the i can't believe it's NOT bone broth, a carrot ginger soup, and a happy muffin for the sad part of the day. To drink, a Cancer reaches for a labor of love.

Sex life: Cancer needs to feel safe before anything happens, and then the Cancer is all in. Cuddling is not optional with a Cancer, it is the main event.

Friendships: Cancer friendships last forever and come with homemade food. Cross a Cancer and you will be politely erased.

Communicator: Cancer says it is fine in nine different tones, and only one of them means fine. A Cancer communicates mostly through moods and leftovers.

Runner or chaser: Cancer runs sideways, like the crab. A Cancer wants to be chased, but gently, and with snacks.

Day-to-day advice: Cancer, say the hurt out loud while it is still small. Then eat the soup.

♌ Leo

July 23 – August 22.

Temperament: Leo is warm, loud, and convinced the sun is a personal spotlight. A Leo needs applause the way plants need water.

Athletics: Leo loves any sport with an audience. A Leo will train for six months to look casual about winning.

Strengths: Leo is generous, brave, and makes everyone feel like a star, as long as the Leo is the brightest one. A Leo will defend you in public every time.

Weaknesses: Leo pride is enormous and fragile at the same time. Ignore a Leo and watch it slowly wilt on the couch.

Character defenses: Leo performs confidence when it is terrified. When a Leo gets hurt, it gets louder.

Social skills: Leo runs the room, tells the best story, and picks up the check so you notice. A Leo throws great parties, mostly for the Leo.

Cravings: Leo wants the most photogenic thing on the menu: the dragon power bowl, a trillionaire cookie, and a rose lemonade held where people can see it.

Sex life: Leo is a performer and expects reviews. With a Leo, mirrors are encouraged and compliments are mandatory.

Friendships: Leo is a big-hearted friend who celebrates your wins louder than you do. A Leo just needs you to clap back.

Communicator: Leo speaks in headlines. A Leo tells a story with hand gestures, sound effects, and a sequel.

Runner or chaser: Leo expects to be chased and gets confused when you do not. If a Leo has to chase, it does it like a lion: briefly, dramatically, and with witnesses.

Day-to-day advice: Leo, do one good thing today and tell no one. It will feel strange, and it is good for you.

♍ Virgo

August 23 – September 22.

Temperament: Virgo is calm on the outside and running a full audit on the inside. A Virgo has already found the typo in this sentence.

Athletics: Virgo loves a training plan with a spreadsheet. A Virgo will run the same route at the same time for eleven years and log every mile.

Strengths: Virgo is precise, useful, and quietly fixes everything nobody noticed was broken. You want a Virgo in charge of the details.

Weaknesses: Virgo criticizes because Virgo cares, which is hard to explain to the person being criticized. Relaxing is a task a Virgo writes on a list and never checks off.

Character defenses: Virgo hides feelings behind tidying. When a Virgo is upset, the kitchen gets very, very clean.

Social skills: Virgo is the friend who brought the first-aid kit, the snacks, and a backup charger. A Virgo would rather help at the party than be at the party.

Cravings: Virgo reads every label we have and approves: a celery juice, an 18 greens shot, marinated kale, and the best chia. Once a month a Virgo eats a world piece cookie and feels guilty for a week.

Sex life: Virgo is shy until it trusts you, and then surprisingly thorough. A Virgo has done the research.

Friendships: Virgo shows love by fixing your resume and your posture. A Virgo friend tells you the truth when nobody else will.

Communicator: Virgo is clear, specific, and corrects your grammar out of love. A Virgo text has bullet points.

Runner or chaser: Virgo runs, writes a list of reasons it ran, then comes back to discuss the list. A Virgo needs proof before it chases anything.

Day-to-day advice: Virgo, good enough is a real place and you are allowed to live there. Leave one dish in the sink tonight on purpose.

♎ Libra

September 23 – October 22.

Temperament: Libra wants everyone to get along, especially if it means the Libra never has to pick a side. A Libra is charming, gorgeous, and has been undecided since 1998.

Athletics: Libra likes yoga, dance, and tennis, anything with good outfits and symmetry. A Libra will skip the workout if the lighting is bad.

Strengths: Libra is fair, diplomatic, and makes everything look beautiful. Send a Libra to settle a fight and both sides leave thinking they won.

Weaknesses: Libra cannot choose a restaurant, a shirt, or a partner without polling twelve people. A Libra will say yes just to avoid saying no.

Character defenses: Libra people-pleases until it explodes, politely. Libra anger arrives as a very sweet text.

Social skills: Libra is the best host, the best guest, and the best person to sit next to at a wedding. Everyone likes a Libra, which is exactly the problem.

Cravings: Libra wants the pretty stuff: a rose lemonade, the beauty berries parfait, and a skin deep. A Libra stands at the counter for twenty minutes choosing between the chiapolitan and the matcha parfait, then gets both.

Sex life: Libra wants romance, candles, and a partner who matches the sheets. A Libra in love is a full art direction project.

Friendships: Libra keeps the peace in every friend group and secretly knows everyone's drama. A Libra never takes your side in public and always takes it in private.

Communicator: Libra says it sees both sides and means it, which is infuriating. A Libra can deliver bad news so nicely you thank it.

Runner or chaser: Libra chases the idea of love and runs from the actual conversation. A Libra wants to be chased, then needs a week to decide.

Day-to-day advice: Libra, pick one thing today without asking anyone. Lunch counts, so order the first thing you see.

♏ Scorpio

October 23 – November 21.

Temperament: Scorpio is intense, private, and knows exactly what you did. A Scorpio feels everything and shows you nothing.

Athletics: Scorpio likes combat sports, deep water, and anything where nobody can see it trying. A Scorpio trains in secret and beats you in public.

Strengths: Scorpio is loyal, fearless, and sees through anyone in about four seconds. In a real crisis, you want a Scorpio.

Weaknesses: Scorpio holds grudges like family heirlooms. A Scorpio does not forget and does not pretend to forget.

Character defenses: Scorpio controls the information. When a Scorpio feels threatened, it goes quiet, watches, and waits.

Social skills: Scorpio stands in the corner of the party and somehow leaves knowing everyone's secrets. A Scorpio has three friends and would die for all of them.

Cravings: Scorpio orders dark and strong: the lights out, a turkish coffee, and a blue flame. A Scorpio eats the chocolate phase bowl at midnight and tells no one.

Sex life: Scorpio is legendary here and knows it. With a Scorpio, intensity is the point and small talk is not.

Friendships: Scorpio friendship is a blood oath. Betray a Scorpio once and you become a warning story it tells new friends.

Communicator: Scorpio says less than it knows and asks questions that feel like an interrogation. A Scorpio reads your text, waits nine hours, and replies with one word.

Runner or chaser: Scorpio chases quietly and catches. If a Scorpio runs, it is already gone, and it took the good blanket.

Day-to-day advice: Scorpio, let one person see what you are feeling today, and notice that nothing bad happens. Then drink a root chakra and go back to being mysterious.

♐ Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21.

Temperament: Sagittarius is optimistic, restless, and halfway out the door. A Sagittarius thinks the next city will fix everything.

Athletics: Sagittarius wants to hike the mountain, surf the wave, and sign up for the race the night before. A Sagittarius is fit from wandering.

Strengths: Sagittarius is funny, honest, and makes life feel like an adventure. Bring a Sagittarius on the trip and the trip becomes a story.

Weaknesses: Sagittarius promises a lot and then books a flight. Tact is a word a Sagittarius learned after it was too late.

Character defenses: Sagittarius leaves. When things get heavy, a Sagittarius suddenly has somewhere to be.

Social skills: Sagittarius talks to strangers in every line, and they love it. A Sagittarius has friends in eleven countries and none in its own building.

Cravings: Sagittarius wants food that travels: a protein power wrap, a garden wrap, a bag of total nut job, and a pineapple juice that tastes like vacation. After a long day of doing too much, a Sagittarius needs an island recovery.

Sex life: Sagittarius is adventurous, playful, and up for anything once. A Sagittarius also needs to leave by ten because it has a flight.

Friendships: Sagittarius is the fun friend who vanishes for six months and comes back with a tattoo and a philosophy. You forgive a Sagittarius because the stories are good.

Communicator: Sagittarius is brutally honest and thinks it is being helpful. A Sagittarius says no offense right before the offense.

Runner or chaser: Sagittarius is a runner who loves the chase. A Sagittarius wants freedom first and you second, and will tell you that directly.

Day-to-day advice: Sagittarius, stay for the hard part of one conversation this week. The view from the end of it is worth the trip.

♑ Capricorn

December 22 – January 19.

Temperament: Capricorn was born forty-five years old with a five-year plan. A Capricorn treats fun as a reward for finishing work, so a Capricorn rarely has fun.

Athletics: Capricorn climbs: mountains, stairs, corporate ladders, whatever is steep. A Capricorn outlasts you because quitting looks bad.

Strengths: Capricorn is disciplined, responsible, and gets it done while everyone else is still talking. A Capricorn builds things that last.

Weaknesses: Capricorn confuses being busy with being worthy. A Capricorn forgets that rest is part of the plan.

Character defenses: Capricorn works harder. Every feeling a Capricorn has gets turned into a project.

Social skills: Capricorn is dry, sharp, and secretly the funniest person at the table. It takes a Capricorn a year to warm up, and then it is forever.

Cravings: Capricorn eats the same reliable thing every day for efficiency: better oatmeal, a keto energy bar, and an arnold farmer. A Capricorn drinks a ginger coffee at the desk at 6 a.m.

Sex life: Capricorn is reserved in public and seriously committed in private. A Capricorn schedules romance and then actually shows up.

Friendships: Capricorn friendships are few, earned, and permanent. A Capricorn will help you build your business and never mention it again.

Communicator: Capricorn is direct, efficient, and allergic to small talk. A Capricorn email has no greeting and one decision.

Runner or chaser: Capricorn chases slowly, like a long-term investment. A Capricorn does not run, it simply decides you failed the quarterly review.

Day-to-day advice: Capricorn, take a lunch break away from the screen, the empire will still be there at 1:30. Bring a medicina.

♒ Aquarius

January 20 – February 18.

Temperament: Aquarius is friendly, brilliant, and emotionally three blocks away. An Aquarius loves humanity and finds individual humans exhausting.

Athletics: Aquarius likes the weird sport nobody else plays, like frisbee at dawn or something with a strange board. An Aquarius exercises on its own terms or not at all.

Strengths: Aquarius is original, inventive, and decades ahead. An Aquarius sees the future and gets annoyed that you cannot.

Weaknesses: Aquarius can be cold when you need warm and stubborn about being different. An Aquarius will disagree just to keep things interesting.

Character defenses: Aquarius detaches. When it hurts, an Aquarius turns the feeling into a theory.

Social skills: Aquarius has a huge network and very few people who actually know it. An Aquarius is everybody's friend and nobody's best friend, on purpose.

Cravings: Aquarius wants whatever sounds strangest: e=mc2, punk meets monk, or a zapple doo. An Aquarius orders the pesto kelp noodles just to find out what a kelp noodle is.

Sex life: Aquarius is experimental and open-minded, with occasional pauses to think about something else entirely. An Aquarius wants a partner who is also a friend and a little bit of a science project.

Friendships: Aquarius collects friends from every corner of life and introduces them to each other. An Aquarius shows up for a cause before it shows up for brunch.

Communicator: Aquarius talks about ideas, not feelings. Ask an Aquarius how it feels and you will get a lecture.

Runner or chaser: Aquarius runs from clingy and chases interesting. An Aquarius needs space and will tell you so in a very calm voice.

Day-to-day advice: Aquarius, call one person today just to ask how they are, and then listen. Feelings are data too.

♓ Pisces

February 19 – March 20.

Temperament: Pisces is dreamy, sensitive, and absorbs every mood in the room like a sponge. A Pisces already cried at a commercial this morning.

Athletics: Pisces belongs in the water: swimming, surfing, floating, staring at the ocean. A Pisces moves beautifully and forgets it signed up for the class.

Strengths: Pisces is compassionate, creative, and intuitive to the point of spooky. A Pisces knows you are sad before you do.

Weaknesses: Pisces escapes into daydreams, naps, anything to avoid the bill on the counter. A Pisces says yes to everyone and then disappears.

Character defenses: Pisces drifts away. When reality gets loud, a Pisces goes somewhere else in its head and leaves the body to handle it.

Social skills: Pisces is the gentle friend everyone confesses to. Strangers tell a Pisces their life story in line at the store.

Cravings: Pisces wants something soft and sweet: a coconut twist, a blue skies, and a mango'shewitz. On the hard days, a Pisces needs an egyptian red lentil soup and a long nap.

Sex life: Pisces is romantic, emotional, and makes love like a slow song. A Pisces remembers every detail and writes a poem about it.

Friendships: Pisces gives too much and asks for too little. A Pisces friend will sit with you in the dark and never once try to fix it.

Communicator: Pisces speaks in feelings, metaphors, and very long voice notes. A Pisces means exactly what it says, it just says it like a dream.

Runner or chaser: Pisces swims in circles, chasing the fantasy and running from the reality. A Pisces needs someone steady enough to be the shore.

Day-to-day advice: Pisces, do one boring grown-up thing today, like opening the mail. Then reward yourself with a doctor's orders and a daydream.