The Prize Is in the Present

The joy of love is undeniable. Love carries so many promises in the narratives we design in our minds.

Nature designed us to fantasize, to romanticize, and to fall deeply in love. It needed an intelligent creature with some degree of free will, and without a full suite of instincts, to stick around long enough to mate, endure the aggravation of whatever comes next, and then raise children together, protecting them from predators, starvation, disease, warfare, and every other form of destruction.

As we begin to relax the nervous system, our reasons for being in a relationship are less controlled by the stories and patterns laid down in our minds when we were young. We think more about companionship, partly because loneliness causes anxiety for some of us, and partly because the simple things are good. Skin to skin contact is nice. So is sex, eye contact, having a friend, talking, and experiencing life together.

The real work of a relationship is getting through the first few years and all the self centered dramas that flare up: the triggers from childhood, the fears, the repulsions, the reveals of the true self that break the spell of romance. But if we stick around and keep working on ourselves, focusing on our own work instead of the other person's, we grow. We develop. We mature the way nature intended.

Nature wants us to grow old and learn lessons from the hardest, highest level things we do: staying in a long term relationship, raising children, building a business, caring for our elders, and being of service to our community. This is all hard work, my friends. And then, guess what? You age and you die.

The prize is in the present moment. Be with it. Learn the lesson. Relax the nervous system, over and over again, and keep working on it.