I sense that one reason self-help takes so long is that we face countless distractions—about 500 million of them—that bombard our senses and inner desires. These distractions are often intentional, preventing us from confronting uncomfortable feelings like anxiety and uncertainty. When we feel anxious or experience pain, we sometimes create bigger problems to avoid dealing with simpler ones, such as questioning our self-love or addressing childhood traumas, like a lack of love and attention. We distract ourselves with addictions, our choices, and the opinions of others. We’re overwhelmed by social media and our ambitions. The goal isn’t to eliminate every single distraction—this would be impossible—but rather to observe them, regulate them, and try to make them less frequent.
Distraction
I'm currently reflecting on why I can recall so many details about psychology despite having no formal training. I wouldn't even say I'm self-taught, as I haven't conducted extensive research; I simply live it. So, take everything I say with a grain of salt—I’m not an expert. Honestly, I don’t want to be seen as a guru of any kind, as that would be a distraction.
The concept of distraction is crucial for uncovering and healing from chronic anxiety. I've realized that as I become more aware of my thoughts and develop an inner dialogue, the more I write, the better I can catalog both useful and unhelpful thoughts.
I am developing my own methods for enhancing my intelligence and logic. The main obstacle I face is distraction, often stemming from new thoughts that can lead me down a completely different path for weeks without my awareness. However, I am now more conscious of these distractions as they occur.
As children, we often viewed boredom as a distraction from a peaceful, joyful mind. For example, when our father came home stressed and yelling from work, it disrupted our tranquility. At that age, we lacked the mental strength and wisdom to redirect our thoughts or calm him down. This is just one example; many can recall moments from their youth when external events distracted them from happiness.
As adults, we continue to be distracted because we haven't trained ourselves to focus and as a result of continued underlying anxiety. Consider the perfection of focus that a samurai must have while wielding a sword, planning their next strike.
Even though this example may lack compassion due to its association with violence, the essence lies in how samurai dedicate a lifetime to training themselves to focus on the present moment. This precision is vital for winning battles. We can observe a wide range of techniques and talents across various fields—whether building something or working with computers, there is tremendous focus involved. Consider the intense focus someone like Albert Einstein must have had while obsessively contemplating the relationship between energy and mass.
The dedication required to deepen a yoga posture or to meditate while staying present and focused on the breath is remarkable training. You, my friend, possess the ability to focus on the things that contribute to your success. For me, that focus is in marketing and branding. I’m improving in these areas and getting better at selling. It’s essential for me to concentrate on this, just as I strive to be a good dad and a good husband.
These are the things for me to focus on. I measure my success by my own standards and judgments, especially through my yoga practice. Shouldn’t I concentrate on that? In your writing, reflect on what you’re good at—not to brag or showcase your greatness to the world, but to understand your strengths. Make a list of these things and remind yourself that, for now, these are what you should focus on, much like a samurai hones in on their footwork.
If other thoughts arise, recognize them as distractions. For example, having a love interest might create conflict. Let’s explore this: Can I maintain my samurai-like focus while also nurturing romance? Will love have such a powerful pull that it diverts me from my primary goals?
Perhaps the relationship becomes my primary focus, but that should be a conscious choice. If you have a distractible mind and make romance your main priority, something else will inevitably distract you. Therefore, we must practice focus day by day. The most profound way to cultivate this is through the discipline of calming the mind every single day. I initially avoided using the word "meditation" to lead you to this point.
To me, meditation is like doing push-ups for the mind. Whether I walk or sit, I go through a process of checking in with myself. First, I scan my body to see if I feel anxious. I consider my prominent emotions: Am I excited, enthusiastic, and positive, or am I worried, hurt, or resentful? There’s no judgment—just observation.
This check-in involves taking deep breaths and assessing my breathing. I often realize I’ve been holding my breath throughout the day. I also reflect on my relationship with nature: Have I breathed clean air today? If not, I understand why there might be a sense of anxiety lurking in the background. It’s hard to feel relaxed without the presence of trees.
Stimulation from the outside world will inevitably distract us from our previous thoughts. The key question is: Is the distraction worth it? For example, if I’m focusing on my breath and a noisy person walks by, shouting on their phone, do I need to turn my head and open my eyes to acknowledge them? Should I engage with their behavior, judging them or wondering why they’re acting that way? How much time do I allow this distraction to take over?
These distractions can escalate, growing larger and more consuming. Our fears, especially those related to finances, security, illness, injury, and death, can be profoundly distracting.
We also experience fear when it comes to our children, parents, and siblings. What are your fears today? Can you write them down? List all the fears you have so you can analyze which ones are rational—those that indicate real, impending danger—and which are irrational, fears that you’ve been recycling for a long time.
Don’t just read these words without engaging in the writing assignment—actually do it. Avoid laziness. This process works, even if your mind resists or you feel unmotivated. Writing is how you improve. It’s not enough to simply read this and appreciate my sentence structure, which may not be perfect. You need to take the next step and do the writing.
Understanding and Managing Emotions
When was the last time you made a list of every possible human emotion? Have you ever searched for "what are all the human emotions"? If you did, it might look something like this:
Human emotions encompass a vast spectrum, reflecting the richness of our experiences and interactions. At the core are basic emotions such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust—fundamental responses to various stimuli. These can evolve into more complex feelings like joy, contentment, and love, representing positive experiences. Conversely, emotions such as grief, despair, and jealousy often emerge from negative situations. Additionally, feelings of anxiety and worry stem from uncertainty, while pride and accomplishment arise from achieving our goals.
Emotions such as shame, guilt, and embarrassment can significantly impact our self-perception and relationships, often surfacing in social situations. Nostalgia may bring bittersweet memories, while hope and anticipation inspire us toward our future goals. Conversely, frustration and disappointment arise when our expectations fall short, and feelings of empathy and compassion connect us to the struggles of others.
Given the vast complexity of human emotions, staying focused on our goals can be challenging. It’s essential to manage our feelings effectively. Mindfulness practices can help us observe our emotions without attachment—allowing them to rise, breathe, and pass without creating narratives around them. This process requires practice, especially when dealing with deeper, darker thoughts.
Many of us grapple with various addictions that lead us to suppress our emotions instead of confronting them, even when doing so may evoke anxiety. This tendency to push down feelings can persist throughout our lives, making it crucial to develop healthier coping mechanisms that allow us to fully experience and process our emotions.
There can be some value in pushing down our feelings, as we often need to manage our emotions to avoid being overwhelmed. For instance, when facing fears—whether going out to hunt or negotiating a significant deal—we must maintain a composed demeanor. It's crucial to navigate feelings of fear without letting them dominate our actions.
Managing our emotions means allowing them to exist without resistance. We can acknowledge our feelings, breathe through them, and ensure they don’t overwhelm us or take control of our minds. If we let negative feelings spiral, they can trigger a cycle: a negative emotion leads to negative thoughts, which in turn generate more feelings, resulting in a loop that can engulf us in anxiety.
To contain our feelings effectively, we can channel our energy into constructive activities. Instead of reacting with anxiety, we might write, engage in creative pursuits, read inspiring works, practice yoga, go to the gym, take a walk, clean our living spaces, or organize our calendars. These actions help us manage our emotions and maintain a sense of balance.
To be mindful of the present moment, we focus on our breath. When negative thoughts arise, we gently push them away. When feelings come up, we sit with them and breathe, trying to fully experience them in our bodies, even if they are uncomfortable. It's important to reconnect our physical selves with our emotional processes. Often, we hold onto feelings because we don’t know how to process them, allowing them to stagnate and affect our perception of life.
Conversely, when emotions flow naturally from our thoughts and experiences, they enrich our lives rather than taint them. They add a delightful flavor. Our feelings help us appreciate the beauty around us: the warmth of a beautiful day, the joy of a loved one’s kiss, the laughter of our children, the fulfillment of practicing yoga, and the satisfaction of helping others.
Owning a business can be challenging and exhausting, but I embrace the difficulties and enjoy the creative process. Each experience is intertwined with thoughts and feelings, and I learn to communicate these by writing about them. This practice allows me to understand and express my emotions, enhancing my overall experience of life.
It's essential to write about what you feel as a way to express those emotions and help them move through you. This practice allows you to maintain a rational control over your feelings without holding too tightly to them. So how do we do this? We practice.
The Work We Don’t Want to Do
This text is strategically placed to engage your mind and introduce an important concept: there are tasks we often avoid that are essential for our personal growth. This reluctance stems from the inherent duality of our psyche, where a "dark side" coexists with our "light side." This darkness harbors the weight of ancestral pain, the suffering of all living beings, childhood fears, and a myriad of anxieties—fear of the dark, loneliness, discomfort, loud noises, and imagined monsters.
Moreover, this darkness is exacerbated by the influences we absorb from our role models, which reach far beyond our immediate families, especially in today's digital age where information flows freely and rapidly. The work we shy away from is often the very work that induces anxiety and discomfort, hindering our ability to relax and find comfort in our lives.
To navigate this psyche, we need to engage with it as the observing consciousness. The first step is to awaken the Observer within us. Without this awareness, it's no surprise that we avoid the unsettling corners of our minds—each room we fear can influence our conscious personality.
This avoidance can manifest in countless behaviors, yet a common thread runs through them: signs of anxiety. Pay close attention to the world and human behavior—observe without judgment, and then turn that gaze inward. Prepare yourself to cultivate the strength and courage to explore your inner self.
Practice this exploration. Read these words again. Breathe deeply, allowing each breath to ground you. Learn to relax. Embrace new, positive experiences. Prepare to let go of fear and anxiety—whether slowly or quickly, at your own pace.
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