Unicorn Meat (Stored & Shipped Frozen)

Breaking news: the last known herd of adult unicorns was discovered in northern Canada. Naturally, we did what any responsible landowner would do—we harvested them. Turns out the mythical beast of purity and light tastes like the lovechild of veal and prime rib, only better. Cuts include sirloin, brisket, T bone, chuck, porterhouse, and yes, even short eye for the real connoisseurs.

Unicorns were once said to heal the sick and purify water. Now their magic is in how easily they pair with a good steak sauce. At $369 a pound, it is less a meal and more a status symbol. If you can afford it, you probably should not—but you will anyway. For best results, tenderize with our Malachite Meat Ball from the semi precious stone line and finish with our cannabis infused Texas steak sauce. Ships frozen, discreet packaging, plausible deniability included.