milk thermos (unofficial JP merch)

Now you can snub vegans in style with the most aggressively ironic thermos ever pressed into a mold. Three deeply confusing colors available: Pink, Greenish, and White. 24 ounce capacity, big enough to hold roughly half a gallon of moral superiority.

Do you remember when vegan restaurants actually served plant based food? Wild times. Now you can name your place Just Plants while quietly slinging eggs, dairy, free range chicken, and the occasional artisanal brisket. Nobody seems to mind. The vegans are too busy adjusting their kale to notice.

Those pesky vegans. Always so technical about nutrition and science. They want to know things. What is in it. Where did it come from. Was it ever sentient. Exhausting.

This thermos was engineered, in a lab, by serious people, specifically to confuse them. They will see it. Their head will tilt. Their kale will fall.

Order one for the whole family. Order two for the in laws. Buy a case for the holiday office party. Hydration has never been this passive aggressive.