Humility isn’t something you force yourself to practice—it’s a natural state that happens when you’re relaxed, present, and out of the vibration of anxiety. Let’s break it down again: evolution wired humans with a dose of egocentricity for survival. We needed it to compete for resources and to secure our place in the tribe. But over time, traits like empathy, cooperation, and humility became just as critical for our survival.
When self-esteem is damaged, people often mask it by showing the world how smart, beautiful, talented, or lucky they are. These behavior patterns are driven by deep anxiety—the fear of not belonging, not fitting in, and ultimately, not being loved. Instead of forcing ourselves into fake humility, a better path is self-awareness: noticing when we're bragging or self-promoting, and asking, “What anxiety is driving this?”
True humility flows naturally when the anxiety calms. If a person struggles with self-awareness, then service to others can help: actions like wiping down tables anonymously or doing simple, helpful tasks without fanfare retrain the ego. Even in the spotlight—say you're playing guitar in front of 100,000 people—you can stay humble by focusing on gratitude rather than getting caught up in self-adoration.
If you let yourself get distracted by admiration, it’s easy to wobble and lose focus. That old anxiety is still in the gut—you’re just not seeing it because it’s so familiar. Every time I catch myself stopping mid-conversation to remind someone of my accomplishments, I recognize it’s just leftover behavior from a time when my confidence wasn’t real—it was based on external things like looks, money, and status.
And if that's the narrative embedded deep inside, how could we ever fully relax? Even when we're “winning,” we’re still striving. That’s the root of extreme narcissism—the endless chase for validation. Kids, on the other hand, live in their imaginations, forming their self-image based on toys, clothes, and how adults treat them. Hopefully, as adults, we learn to create a healthy self-image based on relaxation and a feeling of connectedness to everything around us.
Understanding “oneness” isn’t just some spiritual slogan—it’s scientific. Everything in the universe is connected. We're made of the same elements, governed by the same forces, and sharing the same Earth. Our brains, however, add layers of interpretation—we create most of our experience through language and thought. That’s why it’s so important to craft a peaceful, mindful inner world instead of one filled with fear and judgment.
If everything is interconnected, then it’s simple: relax, be helpful, stop striving only for yourself. Add to the collective good. Help reduce suffering. Do it quietly, without needing applause.
When I first started writing, I didn’t realize that I was teaching myself these lessons as I went. Writing made me accountable to these ideas, whether I had mastered them yet or not. I learned humility through both success and failure. High moments gave me pride; hard crashes taught me perspective.
One of the greatest lessons about humility came in the yoga room. I could nail a difficult pose while others struggled, and part of me would want to say, "Look at me!" But when I focused on that feeling, I lost the deeper purpose of the practice—relaxation, concentration, and surrender. Success can be a distraction if it becomes a source of pride rather than a signpost for growth.
Will pride ever fully disappear? Maybe not. But the goal isn't to erase pride—it’s to notice it, breathe through it, and stay grounded. Pride in your achievements isn’t bad unless it turns into public grandiosity or self-inflation.
And for some people—like those just starting recovery—taking pride in positive steps is necessary and healthy. It builds momentum. The real challenge comes later: what do you do with your success? Do you use it to ease the suffering around you, or just to inflate your own image?
Society may teach us that becoming rich and famous is the ultimate achievement, but it’s not. True success is simple: secure enough resources to live well, then live with purpose, kindness, and calm. Anything beyond that is just noise.
You can still chase big dreams if you want. But remember—the value you place on your dreams will either bring you peace or keep you stuck in endless anxiety. That’s your choice.