For some people, having an intimate relationship is a matter of great urgency. That’s because they feel very anxious when they are alone or don't have a person to feel connected to. Loneliness can be a very painful experience. But when we get into relationships, things can become tumultuous and confusing.
It's easier for us to blame our partners when a relationship fails. It's difficult for us to look at ourselves and see how we contributed to the relationship failure. We may fail to see how we keep repeating patterns that indicate unresolved traumatic experiences that occurred in our childhood.
I believe that people who come from truly nurturing homes and have great role models don't have much difficulty selecting mates. They're selecting mates guided by their higher consciousness. They're not behaving addictively and compulsively when they date. They have boundaries. They are able to separate themselves from somebody who wouldn't be right for them.
Because they're able to make good relationship choices, once they're in a relationship they’re able to navigate the occasional inevitable conflicts. They don't act from a place of anxiety, narcissism, self-centeredness, fear, obsession, or neediness. A person with all the qualities and behavior patterns of someone who came from a truly nurturing and loving home with good role models would be unlikely to get into a toxic relationship.
I do know people who are moderately broken, highly intelligent, and very “westernized” who are trying to understand how to connect and have a long-term, meaningful, committed relationship. It's my belief that human beings are designed to have meaningful and intimate relationships (with the exceptions of monks and priests and people who commit themselves to celibacy to connect better with God). Most of us will pursue healthy attractions and desires regarding intimacy. If a person pursues an intimate relationship with the same consciousness that they would pursue in a yoga class or a meditation practice, it's likely that that relationship will help them.
The practice of mindfulness in a relationship is the key to that relationship's success. Mindfulness helps us advance and see exactly what we're doing in all of our endeavors, relationship-related or otherwise. Mindfulness gives us the opportunity to try to improve ourselves for the sake of love, the sake of the relationship itself, and the sake of the good of all the people around us in our lives. When we are successful, happy, and in love, we influence and inspire so many people. We inspire them to pursue positive things.
The world around us appreciates relationship success stories. When you pursue a relationship and it's tough going, remember you're not just pursuing a relationship for yourself. You're pursuing a relationship that will in some way contribute to the betterment of all mankind .
Understand that the driving forces of nature that are positive are moving you towards a greater good. So when things get difficult, focus once again on how to connect to the natural world and the things that are part of universal consciousness. It's part of universal consciousness that we each find loving relationships and that we are happy; that helps all creatures eventually.
If we use the channel of a loving relationship, we can heal ourselves on different emotional levels. We all have much healing to do in a short period of time, and an intimate relationship can be an express train to that healing.