The Deeper Reason We're Drawn Together - The ultimate purpose of a relationship is not romance, comfort, or security. It’s healing.
We are drawn to others not just for love or sex or companionship, but to heal the fragmented parts of our minds. Because the mind and body are fully connected, this healing can ripple out into our physical health. When relationships evolve, they support our nervous systems, strengthen our immunity, calm our hearts.
But evolution also has a biological agenda: reproduction, community survival, social structure. Relationships serve all these roles. And yet, beneath the biology, there is a spiritual calling.
You think you want a soulmate. But your soul actually wants a mirror.
From Need to Service - As we age, the meaning of relationships shifts. When we're young, they’re often about excitement, validation, or escape. Later, we begin to crave peace, safety, and depth. We long to be seen—not just adored.
At the highest level, relationships pull us out of self-obsession. They teach us to serve something bigger: the other person, the relationship itself, and the act of loving.
In doing so, something strange happens—we start feeling full. The more we give, the more we find.
Service is not sacrifice. It’s an act of becoming.
Intimacy as Medicine - Real intimacy is uncomfortable. That’s why we avoid it. But inside the discomfort is where the real work happens. We’re not just cuddling and chatting. We’re scraping away layers of protection built from childhood pain, adult disappointment, and raw terror about being seen.
When intimacy is real, it cracks open the protective shell. The rage melts. Depression softens. And that deep, ancient loneliness—the kind that shows up even in crowded rooms—begins to lift.
You’re not just trying to feel better. You’re trying to come home to yourself.
When Love Feels Like Hate - Some of us reading this are in relationships that feel like war. You might even say you hate your partner. Ask yourself: is your partner actually a hateful person—or are you drowning in unmet needs?
If you're not getting attention, affection, sex, romance, emotional safety—it can turn into resentment, then loathing. But often, that loathing is just a flare-up of ancient pain that says, no one has ever truly loved me.
And even if someone did... would you know how to receive it?
Sometimes we don’t hate our partner. We hate the reflection they hold up.
Broken Accounts -Think of a relationship like a bank account. You only get to withdraw what you’ve deposited. And yet we treat love like an ATM: push a few buttons, expect emotional cash.
If both people are too broken to give, the account dries up. But even if one of you has something to give, there's still hope. Sometimes, the act of loving inspires healing.
Still, there's a limit. You can’t wait forever for someone to become who you wish they were.
Don’t confuse love with endurance. Staying doesn’t mean you’re growing.
Through the Woods - If you're thinking of leaving, know this: the path out of a stuck relationship usually runs straight through the dark forest. Not around it.
Before you go, sit with your feelings. Write them down. Ask:
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Am I truly in love with this person?
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Are my basic needs being met?
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Have I communicated with them clearly?
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Is their lack of response rooted in trauma—or indifference?
Sometimes, the most beautiful people can't give us what we need. Sometimes, even we can’t.
There’s no clarity without honesty. There’s no healing without pain.
Can You Love Them As They Are? - Ask yourself this question: Can I love this person exactly as they are, without needing them to change? If the answer is yes—congratulations. That’s grace. That’s maturity. That’s devotion. If the answer is no—then ask: Can I still grow in this space? Or am I rotting in resentment?
Some of us will stay and thrive. Others will stay and shrivel. The difference is consciousness.
You can’t build a conscious relationship with someone who refuses to wake up.
When Paths Diverge - You may reach a point where you realize: I’ve gone as far as I can with this person. Maybe they think growth is buying a bigger house. You’re trying to feel deeper, connect more honestly. These are different journeys.
It doesn’t make either of you bad. But misalignment creates pain.
Still, even the pain has a purpose. The effort you’re making—thinking, writing, reflecting—is building wisdom.
Your relationship might be the classroom. Or it might be the final exam.
The Sacred Grief of Letting Go - If you leave, it will hurt. It should. Tears will come. Mourning will follow. But if the relationship was only keeping your childhood pain alive without helping you heal it—what exactly are you holding onto?
Before you point the finger at your partner, ask yourself: Have I done the work? Blame is easy. Accountability is sacred. That’s where real maturity begins.
Maturity is what we owe the next generation. Not just our kids—humanity itself.
Relationships and the Evolution of Consciousness - Even failed relationships serve a higher function. They teach us how to be human. How to love better. How to see ourselves.
After 40 years of love, heartbreak, and searching, I know this: Every relationship brought me closer to the Creator.
Or maybe the Creator is just my own awakened heart—waiting behind a thousand layers of longing.
Love is not what heals us. It’s what we become when we heal.
Love Without Need - My parents were good people—emotionally broken, like many of us. They couldn’t give me what I needed. And so I searched for it. In women. In work. In everything.
But relationships became my spiritual gym. They taught me not to run when love asked me to stay. They taught me to soften, to show up, to serve, to be touched without flinching.
Now, I give love because I have it. Not because I need it in return.
If she turns away, I’ll drink from the cup myself.
Self-Mastery and the New Love - I’m no longer a child crying for my mother’s love. I’m a grown man. I’ve stepped into self-mastery. That means I love because I choose to.
And when love is chosen, not demanded, it becomes something deeper. Something divine.
That’s the ideal. You practice it every day. Until one day, it’s no longer practice. It’s just who you are.
And that... might be the real purpose of relationship after all.