It is naïve to believe that relationships could ever be easy—when the truth is, human beings have been difficult and complex since the beginning of our species. We are intelligent creatures shaped by childhoods that often distort who we really are. Covered by identity, philosophy, and language, we adopt patterns that veil reality. We chase the ticking clock of modern life, never missing a meeting, but constantly missing the sunrise. We miss the sound of leaves falling, eye contact with our children, the presence of our friends and parents. We miss life, even when it’s right in front of us—because we’re caught in a dream. Often it feels like a nightmare: busy, loud, disconnected, and full of suffering.
And yet, we have roughly a hundred-year runway to wake up—to build character, to serve others, and to heal. But the runway is filled with distraction. Turbulence. Even the wealthiest and most “successful” among us aren’t exempt—just look at Elon Musk. Fame, money, influence—they don’t guarantee peace. Life is turbulent no matter who you are. The question isn’t whether life will challenge you. The question is whether you’ll meet those challenges by evolving or by reacting.
Carrying the Weight of the Past - Much of our pain isn’t even ours. We inherit it. From our families. From our ancestors. From our governments. Generations before us were betrayed by corrupt leaders, murdered for causes they didn’t choose, robbed of land, dignity, and love. Our ancestors faced predators, floods, tsunamis, war, disease, famine, slavery, persecution, genocide. The nervous system we walk around with today was forged in fire. And now, in the middle of this swirling multi-dimensional chaos, we’re expected to find a partner. To fall in love. To parent. To somehow create a peaceful home while we’re still trying to figure out how to be peaceful inside our own skin.
It’s a miracle any of us survive, much less build lasting, functional relationships. Maybe that’s why nature gave us a bigger brain—to try to figure this mess out. But with a bigger brain came the power to override our instincts. We no longer parent or partner based on natural programming—we have to build those skills ourselves. And if we don’t, we stay stuck. We repeat the mistakes of those who came before us. And our relationships, no matter how loving they start out, will eventually become battlegrounds if we don’t grow up emotionally.
The Real Work of Relationship - Relationships will bring all your unresolved material to the surface. That’s not a flaw. That’s the function. They are designed—by nature, by fate, by divine irony—to show us where we are unhealed. And if we’re willing, they give us a path to liberation. But most of us aren’t willing. For years, I wasn’t. I didn’t know what “the work” was. I didn’t have the language. I didn’t even say the word “anxiety” until I was 50. Before that, I couldn’t even relate to the idea of relaxation—it felt like the enemy.
Things started to change when I committed myself to daily meditation and to yoga—not just for exercise, but as a way to interrupt my mental chaos. Not every teacher, book, or technique resonated with me. Some of the psychology I read felt shallow or incomplete. So I kept searching. Eventually, I stopped searching for perfect answers and started practicing the imperfect ones that were in front of me. That’s when things started to shift.
The Science of the Simple Things - This writing is not about theory. It’s about practice. You can read all the self-help you want, but if you’re not breathing with awareness—daily, intentionally—then you’re not doing the work. And when I say "breathe," I don’t mean a mystical secret technique passed down by Himalayan monks. I mean: inhale through your nose for six seconds, exhale slowly for the same or longer. Let your belly rise and fall. Relax your face. Check in with yourself. Bring your nervous system back into the parasympathetic state. Let your body know you are safe.
We avoid this kind of practice because it’s subtle. It’s not exciting like a psychedelic trip. It’s not instantly gratifying like coffee or scrolling or sex. But it works. Slowly. Over time. It changes you. And it changes how you show up in relationships. When you breathe well, you don’t explode in arguments. You don’t shut down. You don’t spin out in obsession. You come back to presence. And presence is the only thing strong enough to hold real love.
Breaking the Chain - Each of us has a choice: do we repeat the dysfunction passed down to us, or do we become the break in the chain? That’s what this work is about. Your chemistry, your brain, your body—these are not fixed. You can change. But not by thinking your way out. Not by blaming your partner. Not by waiting for external circumstances to align. Change happens through action—through consistent, embodied practices.
Say thank you. Hold doors open. Compliment people. Do your job well. Be a good boss. A good parent. A good citizen. A good partner. Be kind. Be consistent. These aren't just moral choices—they are neurological training. They are practices of regulation and service. They are the path to peace.
When Relationships Break - One of the hardest things in life is leaving someone you still love—especially when there are children involved. The breakup often creates trauma that we don’t know how to metabolize. So we lash out. We devalue each other. We lie. We use the children as pawns. We go from delight to disdain. And sometimes, yes, people behave terribly. If someone resorts to abuse, name-calling, or gaslighting, we have every right to call that what it is. But even then, if we have children together, we must deal with them. So maybe we need a companion guide: How to Deal with Mucky Exes. There’s a science to it. Even that requires breathwork, conflict resolution, and maturity.
Every relationship—from dating to deep partnership to co-parenting—demands emotional regulation. No one is exempt. Your relationship success doesn’t depend on luck, timing, or compatibility. It depends on your capacity to stay regulated in the face of discomfort. And that regulation is rooted in daily practices: breath, movement, self-reflection, and service.
The Journey Is Yours - I can’t give you a step-by-step manual for your life. There are too many dynamics, too many variations, too many mysteries. But what I can tell you is this: the emotional health of your relationships will always mirror your internal practices. If you want liberation in love, liberate your nervous system. Commit to the boring, beautiful work. Wake up early. Do your breathwork. Move your body. Don’t eat garbage. Show up for your people. Don’t harm anything.
And above all, stay awake. Because the world is still dreaming.