The hardest times in a relationship often come when our natural chemistry crashes into depression. This dip can be sparked by poor diet, lack of sleep, relentless stress, or simply the slow pileup of daily problems. When it happens, self-esteem collapses, fear closes in, and obsessive thoughts loop endlessly in the mind. Psychologists describe this cycle as rumination, and it’s a hallmark of anxiety and depression.
When we’re younger, it feels easier to blame others for the chaos inside us. But more often than not, our own mind is the real culprit, capable of creating both the hell of fear and the peace of calm. The work is learning to see the difference. It requires awareness, taking ownership of our emotions and beliefs, and sometimes a spiritual awakening to break old patterns.
One of the survival skills of recovery is to notice the process as it starts. Before digging into why, the essential step is to admit this is happening now. Depression and anxiety distort perception, making it nearly impossible to show up for a partner with ease, warmth, or compassion. In that state, we feel disconnected and brittle, unable to offer love the way we want to.
So what’s the way out? Practice. Awareness is practice. We train ourselves to catch the spiral and interrupt it. Yoga offers one of the clearest laboratories for this. Push yourself into a difficult posture and the stress exposes the mind’s reflexes: How long can I hold this? What if I fail? I can’t do it. Distraction and fear arrive on cue.
But breath is the switch. Steady, full breathing pulls us back to the present. It unlocks the body, eases fear, and allows us to give maximum effort without collapsing into panic. Without breath, the mind projects into the future, imagines failure, and often makes it real. And when we do collapse, that too is part of the lesson. Failure is feedback, not defeat. Rest, return, and try again.
In yoga and in love, the practice is the same: when depression and obsession creep in, the first step isn’t to judge ourselves. It’s to notice, to breathe, and to begin again.