Relationships can be wonderful. Sadly, though, relationships can sometimes become so toxic that they need to end. When the termination of a relationship seems imminent, we must contemplate many things.
One thing we need to realize is that events that occurred in our childhoods will be layered into conflicts that exist in any adult relationship that we’re in. If we consider that, we can take actions to overcome the negative effects of those events of our past. If we do so, the chances of getting a relationship that's gone sour back on track become considerably better. Sometimes it will be possible to salvage the relationship, but sometimes not.
The way that we regularly conduct ourselves, particularly in relationships, brings to light both our positive and negative personality traits. A relationship can become the ultimate workshop for us to improve ourselves. And the more we engage in self-improvement, the more we will positively expand our consciousness and come closer to attaining the happiness that we desire.
We need to understand that in every one of our partner’s complaints, and in every one of the complaints that we have about our partners, there is a certain amount of truth. And if we could get past our defensive reactions when we receive complaints, we wouldn't need to protect our own self-esteem. We could hear the complaints and we could work on improving ourselves. Doing so would be hard work, but hard work that would benefit both our partners and ourselves tremendously.
In addition to reticence about doing such necessary hard work, another difficulty can be the fact that we come into relationships with defense mechanisms that we learn as we go through our lives and use to protect our fragile psychology. Many such defenses will be put to the test in relationships.
Sometimes we'll feel as if we're going crazy because of the conflicts in our relationships. So much negativity will come to the surface. And it's possible to come to a point in a relationship where you feel you have nothing in common with your partner. On the surface, that's true to a degree: In certain ways and at certain levels, we’re completely alien to every other creature on the planet, including our partners.
Most who initially feel deep love for someone are excited because they perceive a joyful union or merger taking place. They think they have found a person who shares all their interests. But then conflicts arise. At that point they find it painful and threatening when their partner retreats, communicates in hurtful ways, or becomes very angry and unpleasant.
Finding our way back to happiness in a strained relationship is like navigating a very complicated maze at times. And it's extremely important to engage in some types of therapeutic sessions with your partner for the purpose of creating boundaries. In such sessions, it's very helpful to have a neutral person help you both sort through conflicts. And a person such as a trained psychologist can also help us comprehend things that we don't have the necessary training to properly understand.
Psychotherapy is philosophical in nature and not empirical science as such, but there are some baseline truths about the discipline that are extremely helpful. Psychology is particularly useful in helping individuals unpack and overcome childhood development issues that negatively shaped the way that they react to the world.
Psychology informs us that we are completely needy and dependent on a person when we're in a deep relationship. We're completely vulnerable, and the situation will be such that very discomforting things within us will surface. Our subconscious minds will dictate how we behave, how we react to things, and choices that we’ll make. And it’s tremendously helpful to discover how our subconscious minds control us so that we can cease engaging in the negative behaviors that our subconscious minds will drive us towards.
When we get to the point of not being slaves to our subconscious minds, we move into the what's called “living in the present moment.” But if we experience discomforting anxiety, usually driven by subconscious behavior, we move away from that state of being. To make our relationships what they should be, for the benefit of both us and our partners, we must strive to live in the present moment. And we can do so, as long as we focus on self-discovery, self-improvement, and compassion for our partners as we go about living our lives and nurturing our relationships.