We can’t rush into the concept of forgiveness or jump straight to practical methods for achieving it. Forgiveness is a complex process, and there’s a lot to unpack, starting with the existential tension we face: finding forgiveness for the divine creator for making our consciousness so bright, yet our lives so finite. That paradox creates a deep sense of unease. Forgiveness and compassion are not easy states of mind; they require practice. Yet, for some people—perhaps those whose lives were not marred by dysfunction, neglect, or abuse—these qualities may come more naturally. There are indeed people like that; they are not a myth.
Forgiveness unfolds in stages, like peeling away layers of an onion. We start with the surface and gradually work our way down to the core of the injury. Along the way, we must feel that injury as a physical sensation in the body and allow ourselves to grieve as deeply as we can. Only then does the emotional flood begin to recede. But even as the tide pulls back, we are left with more to discover. We live, we learn, we gain new perspectives, and maybe, just maybe, we let go of another piece of the pain.
Forgiveness requires action. It’s not just about receiving an apology from someone who wronged us. It’s a process of visualization and introspection. First, we must fully experience our own emotions—pain, anger, disbelief, acceptance. But then, for the sake of understanding, we must step back and see the broader picture. We must realize that humanity is bound by a chain of cause and effect, where all of our ancestors played a role in the disruption of human development. The most significant disruption often comes from the flawed ways we were raised, which left us fractured. To forgive, we must come to terms with this.
This understanding is largely intellectual, but it must eventually sink deeper into the body, where the original pain of childhood injuries still resides. Even if we can’t remember the specifics, the energy of those wounds remains, shaping our behaviors. The action of forgiveness starts with the willingness to forgive. We must be ready to release our resentments and pain. Letting go requires recognizing that we, too, are imperfect and have hurt others, often unintentionally. We also need forgiveness.
Once we’ve grasped this intellectually, we must drop back into our feelings. If those emotions are out of reach, intellectual understanding will have to be enough for now—it may eventually lead us to deeper emotional release.
I say it out loud: I forgive everyone who has ever wronged me, and I ask for their forgiveness in return. I forgive my ancestors, my grandparents, my parents. I forgive selfish politicians, misguided teachers, the broken academic system. I forgive the criminals who pervert society. I forgive, I forgive, I forgive. I don’t know if I truly mean it yet, but I’m willing to say it and walk down the path of forgiveness because I don’t want to carry this burden anymore. I don’t want to hold onto anger, resentment, or negativity—they only keep me from relaxing and seeing the truth.
What about forgiveness? Let’s work on it. Let’s write about it, believe in it, and speak it. A great path to forgiveness is also through apologizing. When we apologize for our own wrongs, we experience the other side of the equation—the vulnerability of asking for forgiveness. This shift helps us develop empathy and sensitivity. By seeking forgiveness ourselves, we can better understand the power of forgiving others. Apologize often. Apologizing is an active way to deepen our understanding of forgiveness, allowing us to bridge the gap between seeking forgiveness and granting it.