Passionate, loving feedback is essential in a romantic relationship, though the degree to which it’s needed varies from person to person. We are all unique, and our emotional needs reflect that individuality. It’s natural to feel the need for feedback that matches the emotional energy we put into the relationship. However, it can be challenging to pinpoint the sources of blockage when that positive feedback is absent for an extended period.
The first step is to honestly assess whether both partners genuinely value and desire passionate, romantic, loving feedback. Sometimes, one person might lose interest, or their attention may be consumed by other pressing life events. In other cases, the relationship itself may activate unresolved childhood patterns, where the mind feels cornered and reactive—like a frightened squirrel trapped in a room. In these moments, the mind may instinctively fight or flee.
In a conscious relationship, however, both partners strive to move beyond reactive patterns. They breathe, intentionally shifting into a more relaxed, parasympathetic state, either naturally or through mindful practices. This shift helps them respond rather than react. Everyone has unique methods for relaxation, but the core idea is to prioritize love because love is inherently healing. Love brings hope, cultivates compassion, and positively impacts our well-being.
If you notice yourself becoming reactive, it’s helpful to express your feelings calmly:
“My darling, I’m feeling triggered, and I need a moment to breathe and find my center. I love you. Please help me stay connected while I regain my composure.”
Imagine the level of awareness and self-control needed to navigate conversations this way. It’s a challenging ideal, but it’s worth striving for. Conflict in relationships is inevitable, but consciously managing our reactivity helps pave the way for meaningful communication.
It’s also important to acknowledge when you feel needy or vulnerable. Instead of resisting those feelings, embrace them with curiosity and compassion. Explore your emotions without judgment—whether they manifest as sadness, confusion, anger, or longing. Breathe through it. Practice yoga, meditate, journal, seek support from friends, listen to insightful talks, and move at your own pace. Healing takes time—you don’t have to untangle your entire past in one weekend.
As you move through your feelings, you may notice cycles of anxiety or sadness resurfacing. You may even encounter addictive thought patterns or obsessive thinking. But this process is part of the evolution of human consciousness—learning to balance emotional intensity, regulate physical responses, and remain present amid discomfort.
There is profound wisdom in observing how adult romantic relationships reflect the teachings of the Buddha regarding the nature of mind and attachment. While the Buddha identified suffering as an intrinsic part of the human experience, he did not have the modern understanding of genetics, psychology, or the impact of childhood experiences. What he did recognize, however, was the power of chronic anxiety driven by obsessive thinking—a cycle that often surfaces in relationships.
Ultimately, the journey toward deeper love and understanding requires awareness, patience, and a willingness to meet our fears with openness and care. By committing to this practice, we cultivate healthier connections—with ourselves and with each other.