Flare-ups will occur in virtually all relationships, no matter how healthy and harmonious those relationships are.
They will happen when one of the partners says or does something that hurts the other person's feelings. The hurt person then gets angry.
Whenever we get triggered, we go into a reptilian brain mode. We become defensive. The things that then happen to us affect both our physical bodies and our emotions. Physically, we will feel a tightness in our body, our heartbeat may increase, and our breathing will become shallow. Emotionally, we may become either introverted or extroverted and ignited.
There are both similarities and differences in the ways that people will react when relationship flare-ups occur. But we need to understand ourselves as individuals to the degree that we will recognize when we're about to react inappropriately.
If you find yourself on the verge of reacting negatively when a heated argument is about to escalate, immediately take a few deep breaths. Then, exercise self-control and tell yourself that you will not allow yourself to be triggered by the other person’s words.
The most effective way to bring yourself back to a calm state of mind to improve your reactions to stress is through steady, long, deep breathing exercises.
Oxygen is the primary fuel of the brain and the body. When we feel anxious, we likely breathe less and become more constricted in our breathing as a response to stress. With less oxygen, the brain functions less optimally. With more oxygen resulting from deep breathing exercises, we are providing our bodies with the needed oxygen to think higher and more intelligently.
Our worst decisions are made from an anxious state. Our best choices are made from a relaxed and calm state. We can achieve a lot just by focusing and refocusing on the breath. You do not necessarily need to do these exercises for hours on end. 5-10 cycles of deep breathing can be remarkably beneficial.
There is more work to be done other than breathing for a person to emotionally and mentally evolve and heal.
Therapy is one example of direct and powerful work as well as studying the ancient philosphies that help us to learn our purpose and develop our character.
Both take a good deal of time and offer limited relief in the moment when we are struggling.
Take deep breaths and notice when you fall away from that focus.
Deep breathing through any type of anxiety surge is a well known, effective strategy to relieve our mental suffering and the physical feelings of anxiety.