Sexual spontaneity blooms when two souls open themselves to closeness. For some, it's an exhilarating turn-on, a thrilling dance of the unknown. Others prefer the calculated anticipation of the right moment. Many struggle to relax and embrace this intimate connection. Given the myriad possibilities among human beings, it’s wise to withhold judgment on others' sexual openness. Instead, ask yourself: What is my sexuality? What do I desire?
Throughout our lives, we must balance our carnal desires with other aspects of life. Relationships thrive on tenderness, conversation, support, laughter, teamwork, strength, and more. Sex is but one ingredient in the rich soup of connection. Sexual compatibility ebbs and flows—sometimes it's intense, other times it's strained. Underlying resentments, stress, timing, and distractions all play a role. The intelligent soul assesses and adapts to these shifting dynamics.
In my own relationships and observing others, I’ve seen the dance of intimacy: one partner craves touch while the other retreats. Dr. Harville Hendrix describes this rhythm as an unconscious dance—one steps forward, the other steps back, then they switch. In healthy relationships, retreating into oneself is natural and necessary. It allows processing of anger, depression, and other emotions. Some navigate these feelings quickly; others linger and fester. Resentment blocks the flow of sexuality and love more than anything else, followed by fear. Lifelong patterns also play a part.
To become aware of these dynamics, we must reflect. Writing creates a dialogue with oneself. The paper speaks back, revealing truths we might otherwise miss. Write about your sexuality, your desires, your expectations of your partner, what you’re willing to give, and what bothers you. Through this introspection, everything improves.
Understanding your sexual self involves asking countless questions: What turns me on? What do I expect from my partner? What can I compromise on? What does my partner want sexually? Writing these down helps sneak the messages back into your brain, offering clarity and understanding. In this way, writing becomes a crucial tool for self-discovery and relationship enhancement.