We never like to see how we are part of the problem in our relationships. This is one of the defenses of the autonomic mind.
The autonomic mind is a concept I’m introducing to describe behaviors that are not instinctive but rather patterned by our experiences and memories. When we enter fight or flight mode, instead of relying purely on instinct, we turn to our memory drive. Our instincts may be influenced by an earlier version of ourselves. If there's nothing relevant stored, we resort to what we've learned or know. If we still find nothing, we guess or mimic others.
If we have negative influences in our lives, we are likely to adopt their negative patterns. Some of these patterns are so subtle that they can barely be described.
It is a childlike response to perceive any action others take in response to our needs as a threat to our self-esteem and self-worth.
When we feel something in our relationships that threatens our self-worth, taking a deep breath can reveal our deepest wounds and our self-image. It’s important to program ourselves to respond constructively when we feel triggered. By connecting deeply with our minds, we can identify the source of our feelings.
Upon recognizing the source of a feeling, we often find a deeper origin. Over time, we can become more aware and conscious of these deeper sources. By breathing deeply and visualizing the source material of a particular emotion, we can gain insight into what drives our feelings.