Our anxieties are intrinsically linked to past experiences and automatic responses. These anxieties often manifest as emotional anguish, deeply rooted in our history and shaped by our body's automatic reactions.
The most important approach to relationship conflict and problems that I have found is to recognize that our issues stem from the nature of our central nervous system, which operates in two distinct modes: fight-or-flight and relaxation. Fight-or-flight is an innate response, while the relaxed state requires a calm internal and external environment. When our internal world is disrupted—whether through disharmony or anxiety—we inevitably find ourselves in the fight-or-flight mode.
Anxiety affects both the physical body and the mind, which are inherently connected. The thinking mind, as part of the body, is constantly undergoing chemical activity that influences how it functions. Our thoughts and emotions are shaped by our brain chemistry, which means our mental and physical states are inseparable.
In relationships, conflict often arises because we fail to regulate our reactivity to triggers. Unawareness of being triggered, unawareness of destructive behavior patterns, and the subconscious influence of childhood experiences lock us into cycles of conflict. If we can become aware of our triggers in the moment, we create the possibility of choosing a different response—one that allows the relationship to survive and grow.
Without self-discipline and mindful practices, we are at the mercy of our chemistry and biological reactions. In this state, we lack free will in relationships, as our reactions are preprogrammed. This predicament is not just personal but collective; if humanity remains stuck in this anxious state, our future is at risk.
The solution lies in learning to relax the nervous system and return to a parasympathetic (relaxed) state. This involves eliminating the chemicals and hormones that signify stress. While some individuals may be too mentally unwell to achieve this, there are those resilient enough to overcome their mental patterns.
Improvement requires a holistic approach rather than reliance on a single practice. Therapy, yoga, diet changes—all are valuable, but none suffice alone. Addressing each aspect of our lives with small, consistent improvements is key. For example, committing not to react to triggers for a month, instead breathing, journaling, and reflecting, can gradually reshape how we handle anxiety.
Personal reflection is essential. For me, childhood was marked by anxiety, conflict, and a lack of stimulation, which fueled my desire for freedom and rebellion. While this restlessness pushed me to create and change, it also carried anxiety. True relaxation remained elusive until I started meditating and observing my thought patterns without resistance.
In meditation, we observe thoughts as they arise, without judgment. We practice letting go and asking ourselves what virtues we need in that moment—courage, acceptance, resilience. Each breath and exhale signifies surrender and the willingness to evolve beyond ingrained reactions. This process of conscious choice is ongoing.
Humans are instinctive beings, driven by needs for safety, love, dignity, and community. Our ability to override natural instincts through intelligence is both our strength and our challenge. By questioning inherited behavioral patterns, we become the necessary change within our familial and societal dynamics. Sharing these improvements through storytelling and philosophy helps propagate positive thinking traits through generations. This is why I write.