Allow me to introduce myself, the non-master of all things unconventional and self-proclaimed expert in the art of "winging it." Who needs credentials anyway? I proudly dropped out of high school, where algebra and geometry became my mortal enemies. My spelling skills? Let's just say I give autocorrect a run for its money. But hey, I can do a full split that would make Jean-Claude Van Damme jealous, and I've been jumping out of airplanes like a seasoned pro for about 12 years. You might even say I'm an expert in defying gravity and avoiding crash landings.
When it comes to retail, I'm a superstar extraordinaire. I can upsell like nobody's business and convince customers they need that extra set of spatulas, even if they're not entirely sure what a spatula is. My mentors range from the great Fred Bisci and Dr. Goa Sugo to my wise old dad, the legendary Kens (Ken L. and Ken D.), my all-knowing wife, and the enigmatic Jeff P. They've shaped me into the retail prodigy you see before you.
Oh, and did I mention my glamorous side gig as a pajama model? That's right, folks! My wife Teresa caught me striking a pose in the dressing room for my second paid photo shoot, destined for the Walmart Christmas 2023 catalog. Move over, fashion icons—there's a new face in town, and it's all about the snuggly goodness of pajamas.
So, you see, credentials schmredentials! Who needs 'em when you've got a whole lot of passion, a knack for splits and free-falling, a retail superpower, and a portfolio of pajama modeling fame? Embrace the unconventional, my friend, and let your unique journey be your badge of honor.
