i am elon musk. within me resides the spirit of leonardo da vinci, albert einstein, mahatma gandhi, mike tyson, martin luther king, and, in a way, every great historical figure lives in my psychology. i know about them, i admire them, and they influence how i think and write about public figures who shape my mind. elon musk, for instance, is unimaginably rich—congratulations to him and his family. it must feel amazing not to worry about the next thousand lifetimes of meals. if he ever approached me at goodsugar and said, “hey, you’re really smart, come work for me,” i’d strongly consider it. i’d like to test my ability to speak truth to power and see whether i can thrive under the environments he creates. i’ve never worked for someone like him, and it would be fascinating to see if i have what it takes.
on the flip side, i find him similar to other high-risk visionaries i’ve known. they take risks, push boundaries, and sometimes lie to get their vision off the ground. society tends to give such people more power than they deserve, largely because fear of financial insecurity grips many of us. money is tied to our chances for sexual or social success—if we’re well-funded, we’re more likely to be admired, loved, or accepted. this power to command wealth so easily is intoxicating. yet, at the core, elon musk is just human flesh and blood, randomly selected by the universe to win the lottery. i wish him well: may he have a long life free from anxiety and suffering. still, if you ever feel your jaw drop in awe at his stories, remember to keep both eyes open for the nonsense he may perpetuate. i believe the idea of solving our problems by escaping into space is misguided. if humanity can’t manage life on earth, why should we believe we’d fare any better on a new planet?
when i hear his plans to colonize space, i’m reminded of every james bond villain who sets out to build a utopia elsewhere, leaving earthly problems behind. i find it nihilistic and depressing to think our brightest solution is to hop into a rocket bound for desolate terrains, picking only the elite or genetically “fit” to join. if i worked with elon musk, i’d want him to meditate on every new invention, examining potential consequences for at least the next thousand years. i’d love to see him engineer technology to replace plastic or wood with something sustainable and planet-friendly. i’d be thrilled if he built entire prototype desert cities here on earth, employing thousands of people, focusing on child development, therapy, and community—turning them into real-world labs for better living. then, if we ever do leave earth, we won’t repeat the same mistakes on another planet.
if i had his money, i’d put together a dream team of philosophers, scientists, and intellectuals, giving them a luxurious space to live and think—a 75,000 square-foot guest house designed purely for debates and creativity. i’d build hospitals, ethical supermarkets, huge vertical farms, and maybe even a land-based noah’s ark for wildlife conservation. i realize that might make me a james bond villain, too, but my villainy would lean toward forcibly rehabilitating destructive world leaders. if they refused to change, i’d subject them to the gentlest form of brainwashing to turn them into peaceful monks. yes, it sounds wild, but that’s the sort of quirky ambition you can have with unimaginable wealth.
in politics, elon musk seems to draw on conspiracy theories and anxious perspectives, lacking compassion and grounding. if i had his riches, i’d sponsor a thousand books on every fascinating subject, paying brilliant minds like noam chomsky and robert sapolsky to live next door to each other to spark conversation. i’d build massive theme parks, giant research centers—whatever. i have all sorts of half-baked but earnest ideas. though i don’t have a formal education, nor a criminal record, nor major vices, i do have a decent iq—somewhere around 130–135—and i’m generally well-organized, up by 6:30 a.m. and in bed by 11 p.m. so elon, if you want to bring me on board, i’ll work for the bargain price of $950,000 a year. i’m excellent at coming up with projects that can burn through money like firewood. just give me a time and place—i’ll be there at 7 a.m. sharp, ready to see how i can shake things up in your universe.