The 4 Selves Hiding Inside You—And How to Unite Them for Total Inner Peace

In order for a self-help program to be successful, it is my experience that I had to visualize and pay homage to four aspects of myself that also seem to exist in all of us. They are:

1. The Inner Child

2. The Anxiety-loaded Self

3. The Referee

4. The Enlightened Self

The Inner Child ~The Inner Child represents all of the primary formative years of life. During this period, we were still physically growing, learning about ourselves and the world around us. The first seven years of this phase are the most delicate because our self-esteem is most fragile and easily damaged. The Inner Child lives within us and does not correspond to a specific age. It fluctuates between ages based on the experiences we were undergoing and the impact those experiences had on us.

The Anxiety-loaded Self - The Anxiety-loaded Self is the self we live in now. It is the Self we believe in, identify with, and portray to the world. It comprises all of our memories, ego structure, body, thoughts, and actions. The Anxiety-loaded Self embodies our characteristics and beliefs. This self is under the command and control of the Inner Child until we meet the third self.

The Referee - The Referee must be discovered and uncovered. This self is similar to visualizing an Inner Parent. The Referee taps into positive behaviors, goals, healing, nature, non-harm, humility, patience, compassion, and all positive aspects potential within oneself. The Referee is firmly grounded in the three primary objectives that human instincts bring into this world:

1. Preservation of Self

2. Preservation of Our Species

3. Preservation of All Life Forms

There is not much to say about these three instinctual objectives except that each living creature seems to possess a portion of each one. Humans, however, seem to have the ability to override these instinctive drives. For the purpose of self-help in the category of addiction, we simply use these ideas as visualizations and metaphors to make the storytelling more memorable. I am not a biologist, so I cannot assert with certainty that any of these concepts are objective truths. If you resonate with these ideas, then utilize them. If not, feel free to skip this section altogether. The Referee is constantly sending signals to the Anxiety-loaded Self. We communicate directly with the Referee simply by writing and meditating, allowing us to establish conscious contact with it.

The Enlightened Self - The Enlightened Self is an intriguing force hidden within the folds of our mind. To create an image of it for the purpose of holding a strong representation, envision the entire cosmos shrunk down to fit within our bodies. It exists in every cell, tissue, organ, brain, heart, etc. The Enlightened Self is timeless. You might visualize it as a “soul” if you’re inclined toward that concept. Personally, I see it as my healed self, unaffected by the world and its contents. The Enlightened Self permeates our existence with Joy, Love, and Service, embodying a wonderful aspect of humanity. It is the most challenging aspect of self to uncover, but when it gradually reveals itself, the effect on our entire being is profound. The enlightened self is accessed through mediation, the course of actions we follow, and cultivating deeper awareness.

To connect with our higher selves, we gently move beyond the anxiety-driven states that can feel overwhelming. It's truly remarkable that evolution has blessed us with a heightened sensitivity to anxiety as a protective mechanism, helping us recognize danger and inspiring us to take necessary actions. Yet, to embrace a life filled with happiness, joy, and freedom, it's important to learn to release these anxieties, understanding that one challenge often leads to another.

Consider emotions like loneliness, sadness, and anger. Our bodies respond to these feelings with physical reactions, such as an increased heart rate and the release of adrenaline and cortisol. This can cause anxiety to blend with other emotions, making it hard to distinguish between, for example, loneliness and anxiety. By compassionately addressing and processing each emotion individually, we can gently untangle them from our anxiety, fostering a deeper sense of peace and well-being within ourselves.

Furthermore, by fully experiencing our original feelings rather than immediately reacting with anxiety, we allow these emotions to flow through us and pass naturally. Embracing feelings like loneliness, sadness, and anger without getting caught in reactive patterns helps prevent emotions from becoming trapped within us. This mindful acceptance creates space for healing and transformation, guiding us toward our enlightened selves. Being free of these trapped feelings metaphorically paves the way to a state of profound inner peace and enlightenment.

Integrating the Selves - The struggles in life reside in the first three selves. The Enlightened Self remains unaffected by our dramas, traumas, anxieties, misdeeds, and insanities.

When we practice meditation, we can use our imagination to visualize and dedicate the practice to the Enlightened Self, creating positive feedback that emanates from it as if it were a well of knowledge and the source of truth. These four proposed aspects of self must one day merge into one evolved self. However, for the purpose of reaching that place, it is useful to divide them based on their distinct features.