If I were a formally trained psychotherapist, I might look at this work and say it oversimplifies very complex psychological systems. I would agree, to a point. Why we snap is tied to countless factors: learned and observed behavior, family dynamics, culture, media, early attachment, and how others responded to us over time. The brain is essentially a computer loaded with imperfect software. That software is continually updated through experience, unless something interferes. Why those updates fail or stall is itself complex.
Still, some simplification is necessary if we want to move the conversation forward. At a basic level, we react because we were designed by nature to do so. Reactivity helped us survive danger, both physical and emotional. That part of us is not a flaw. It is a feature. The real work begins once we accept that we are reactive creatures and focus on softening those reactions into something less destructive and more compassionate.
We snap because anxiety builds until the nervous system reaches a breaking point. When we understand that simple mechanism, we can begin applying simple solutions. The practices described throughout this work, years of writing, reflection, breathing, and awareness, are methods for strengthening and stabilizing the nervous system. Awareness gives us a far better chance of interrupting harmful behavior than ignorance ever could.
This is why self study matters. At any given moment, we can ask whether we are in an anxious state, even a mild one, or a relaxed state. When we are anxious, we are far more likely to snap, especially with our partners and our children. Learning to notice that state early is one of the most practical forms of emotional maturity we can develop.